After you.
Yeah take all the limelight.
For me, commitment is the decision to do something and having the
integrity to follow it through.
So when you decide that you're going to be with a partner and more so
when you decide that you're going to raise a family,
you know, that in itself is, is an expression of commitment.
The dedication and love that we have and show for our family.
It's all about agreement and compromise.
It's you're either going to do something or you're not and
you decide to do it and you're going to go through with it.
Commitment means trusting you and having you guys trust me.
I think it means kind of committing to like all of our happiness.
It means like an unbreakable promise
that come what may, that you'll do whatever is necessary.
That's commitment.
My biggest commitment is as a single parent
to my daughter, to commit to giving her the best life I possibly can.
You know, I wasn't alone in my decision to have a child,
two people committed to the decision of having a child,
but only one committed to actually being a parent.
So I have to do that on my own and I'm committed to giving Effy
the best life I can, regardless whether she has one parent or two.
Me and Frank had made a decision to have a home and a child before making
the decision to get married in a church.
Although we don't have that
legal piece of paper we are committed as much as any married couple.
My level of commitment, once I decided to have a child
meant that I was all in. It meant Shola was my priority is my biggest,
most important thing in my life.
I think our commitment to the kids is right now is the most important
commitment and it requires a lot more time and effort because
they're so small and they need us.
So it is just literally being there for them, making sure that they're
happy, stable and they're developing into good little humans, I think.
We also made the decision together to have a child,
which is a lifelong commitment.
I think our parents, so George's grandparents, they're committed to
helping us raise our son to the best of our ability and committed to being
that support network for the rest of his life, which I think is amazing.
We get support with picking up from nursery, having him overnight.
Sometimes we need to make that time to adventure away from
him slightly and commit more to each other as a couple.
You know, life throws lots of different things at you,
but once you have the commitment of knowing that you have your partner's
back and that they've got your back and that your family is tight,
you know, hopefully that will always be enough to,
to get you through the really tough times in life.
Challenging thing that I faced, getting married,
leaving London and moving to Derby into a new family.
And I remember feeling quite lonely with being here,
although there was lots of people around me all the time,
I still really missed my family and my friends.
That was a very big challenge and it was hard at first.
But Bahader helped a lot with supporting me.
When Gurinder and I got married, we had always agreed that Gurinder
would come and live with me and my parents in my house.
Whilst that was challenging for her,
it also posed challenges for me as well, not just making physical
space for Gurinder in my, you know, my wardrobes and all of that,
but actually also making space for Gurinder in my life.
It did mean that I had to try and form a bond with my
mother in law and my father in law and my brothers in law,
who I don't see that regularly on the basis that they live 145 miles away.
But I think the commitment part of my relationship was the reason
why I really did that. I truly commit to my marriage with Gurinder
and so I commit to her family being a part of my family as well.
So the main challenge that we face as a same sex couple is discrimination,
and that has affected the way that we behave towards each other in public.
And it's not only to avoid further discrimination it
is to prevent putting George in any harmful situations.
But to equal that and to probably override that I would say
we've had so much more support and love that just kind of
squashes any any discrimination, any people who are negative. And
ultimately that's brought us together and made us a lot stronger as a unit.
When you're a single parent and you're having additional challenges
as well as the daily challenges it can test your commitment
but you have to get on with it, you have to show up and carry on.
Just getting the basics right so I make sure we've got a roof
over our heads, I make sure I've got food in the cupboard,
I make sure she's got clothes to wear, things to do.
In terms of challenges, I say that probably one of the most
difficult times for me that I've ever had in my life has been when I
was doing my exams, I really kind of struggled with anxiety and kind
of depression as well. And my mental health generally wasn't doing great.
It got to a point where I got I got really ill.
So we made the decision as a family that I would go to some counselling.
But outside of that, I had a lot of support from mum and dad. It's really
difficult when you're young to try and admit to your parents that, like,
you're not feeling great because they give you so much, especially
in our situation, you guys give me so much time and love and support.
So for me to turn around and say, look, I'm actually not feeling very well was difficult.
And it took us a little while to learn how to talk about it.
I think we're all glad that we went through it, even though at the time
it was like very, very difficult because our commitment to each
other was what got us through it.
I think for commitment to work,
it definitely takes lots of different things, patience, understanding,
listening to someone else's opinion.
It comes down to open lines of communication.
I feel like there's nothing I have to hide from you.
Well for me is just showing up every day,
I get up every morning I do what I'm supposed to do. You know, if I didn't
get up and do the things that I was supposed to do every day no one would
be here to look after Effy so I don't have a choice in this commitment.
And by showing my commitment to Effy every day, she's starting to
understand what that means herself.
I think spending time together as a
couple really helps to strengthen our commitment because it's really
important to have that relationship with one another and keep it strong.
A family bond should be selfless. It should be unconditional.
And having a commitment to that level of relationship allows you
to be confident when times are tough that you can get through it.
It really helps with your, like, mental health.
And I also want her to have the same confidence that she knows that I'll
always stand there and I'll always be there for her, no matter what.
The reason why having my family around me when times have been tough
has been most important is because there's a level of confidence that
that gives you when you go into any situation and that's a very
big kind of gift that you get given.
To me that would be one of the biggest advantages of staying in
a committed relationship, that security and that sense of belonging.
So it's definitely important that we stay together and we support each
other through them times and fundamentally support George and
give him the best life he can have.
What does the word family mean to me?
Someone's always there to
catch you if you fall down and always there to teach you.
Mum your go. Okay, my go now.
So family to me is the people
that you surround yourself with, that support you and inspire you.
It is the unit that you draw all your strengths from.
They are the people that you go to, to talk things through,
to mull things over, or to celebrate with.
Family is a unit that's there to support each
other and allow each other to grow.
It is my very essence of being, it's what makes me who I am and sitting
here today who I am. But my family is my anchor. It's like my core.
The word family to me means, everything, my family are my world.