WEBVTT 00:00:00.142 --> 00:00:05.669 I want to basically be normal, as far as normal can be. 00:00:06.648 --> 00:00:11.762 I understand that is not something that can't really ever truly happen. 00:00:11.927 --> 00:00:16.356 If I can get as close to that as possible that will be good enough for me. 00:00:16.435 --> 00:00:19.446 I don’t know what my ideal image would be. 00:00:19.471 --> 00:00:23.997 As long as everyone else could see me how I see myself. 00:00:27.544 --> 00:00:32.049 I was born a boy, my birth name was James. 00:00:32.074 --> 00:00:34.459 I knew that what they were saying was wrong, 00:00:34.484 --> 00:00:37.469 I'm not a boy, I don’t like being a boy. 00:00:37.494 --> 00:00:40.427 I don’t understand the whole boy world at all. 00:00:40.800 --> 00:00:46.986 A transsexual person would be someone who identifies as the opposite gender, 00:00:47.017 --> 00:00:49.168 not the biological gender. 00:00:49.198 --> 00:00:51.377 I’ve been taking hormones for almost a year now. 00:00:51.402 --> 00:00:57.421 It's like a second puberty of like, secondary sexual characteristics. 00:00:57.446 --> 00:01:03.026 First I noticed my arse starting to get a lot bigger, that was the first thing I noticed. 00:01:03.051 --> 00:01:07.882 Hips was the next thing, facial feminisation and small breast growth. 00:01:07.907 --> 00:01:14.491 I spend as little time in front of the mirror, waist down, as I can. 00:01:14.516 --> 00:01:17.325 I don’t really like thinking about it at all. 00:01:17.350 --> 00:01:19.324 There are certain things I can't do. 00:01:19.349 --> 00:01:22.215 I can't go swimming, I can't go to the beach. 00:01:22.240 --> 00:01:25.283 I do have a lot of trans friends and they know, 00:01:25.307 --> 00:01:32.434 but when I go to university, I know that I'm not really going to be interested in telling anyone. 00:01:32.459 --> 00:01:35.908 I just want to be as normal as possible, to ave a normal life, 00:01:35.933 --> 00:01:40.932 spend time with my friends without having to worry about anything. 00:01:43.503 --> 00:01:48.564 I didn't tell my parents until I was about 14-ish. 00:01:48.627 --> 00:01:51.003 Mum thought it was just a phase. 00:01:51.895 --> 00:01:53.561 I didn't get much support. 00:01:53.795 --> 00:01:55.958 Secondary school was just not nice at all. 00:01:55.983 --> 00:01:59.206 It was an all boys, all Catholic sports college. 00:02:00.449 --> 00:02:02.529 I went through a very self destructive phase. 00:02:02.554 --> 00:02:08.041 I wasn’t questioning my gender but I hadn't gone through puberty at that point, 00:02:08.650 --> 00:02:15.054 but when I did, it basically made me very quiet and I never opened up to anyone. 00:02:15.079 --> 00:02:20.300 I felt so alone, I felt no-one else I know thinks about this, so it's obviously wrong, 00:02:20.325 --> 00:02:22.333 therefore I can't talk to anyone about it. 00:02:22.358 --> 00:02:26.781 I had no drive, no energy, no motivation to do anything. 00:02:26.797 --> 00:02:28.554 I was so depressed all the time. 00:02:28.579 --> 00:02:32.460 I'm pretty sure I would have ended up taking my own life at the end of it. 00:02:32.485 --> 00:02:35.885 Life expectancy for a trans person is 25. 00:02:35.910 --> 00:02:39.301 A lot of people commit suicide before then. 00:02:40.010 --> 00:02:43.758 Eventually I found "Mermaids" and all of a sudden I could speak to all these people 00:02:43.783 --> 00:02:46.216 who are going through the same thing as me. 00:02:46.321 --> 00:02:49.690 That gave me a massive confidence boost. 00:02:50.862 --> 00:02:55.737 I’ve got a first consultation for surgery in September. 00:02:55.762 --> 00:02:58.329 I'm probably having the operation next year. 00:02:58.484 --> 00:03:01.083 You just want to be... 00:03:01.108 --> 00:03:02.449 to have a life, really. 00:03:02.474 --> 00:03:05.297 The best advice I can give is find other people 00:03:05.321 --> 00:03:09.011 who are going through the same thing as you, same age, same everything. 00:03:09.036 --> 00:03:16.117 I'd describe myself as a 19 year-old girl who has fun friends and goes out having fun.