WEBVTT

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My memories of my dad are just 
that he was a lovely man.

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He always taxi-ed me and my friends around; 
he was the taxi man.

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Whenever we wanted a lift, we'd be like, 
"Dad come and get us!"

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There’s five of us in my family, my dad, my mum, me 
and my two sisters, one younger and one older.

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Me and my dad were very close and when he 
was here he spent every minute with us.

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He played for Luton Town FC when he was quite young 
and he's played for other clubs as well,

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but that's the club he was known for 
because he was there so long.

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He had cancer, for like a year, throat cancer,

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but he got over that and he was 
in the year of being cleared.

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Then he started to get "man flu", 
we just thought it was that.

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Me and my sisters were here, 
my aunty and gran were around

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because it was my 16th birthday so we 
were doing presents and celebrating.

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He then went back to bed, so Mum decided 
to call the doctor just to check

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so we took him to the doctor's and they said 
go up to the hospital, have a few tests.

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We were quite relaxed because he'd got through 
cancer he could get through anything.

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They ambulanced him up to London and 
that's when they found out what it was.

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It was a blood disease called TTP, 
it's really rare.

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No-one really knew what it was.

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Mum rang to say, "We're gonna do a blood transfusion", 
but that didn't work because his cells were low.

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That might have been because of
the cancer treatment he had.

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That night he just went downhill, really.

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They thought he was stable, but in 
the early hours of the morning he died.

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I found out the morning after, on my birthday.

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My gran woke me up saying 
Dad was in intensive care.

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So I got up, we all came downstairs, we were 
eating breakfast when Mum rang to say he'd died.

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My little sister was at school at the time,

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so it was just my grandma, my grandad, 
me and my older sister here.

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We both went upstairs and collapsed, 
crying and screaming,

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it was like something out of a film. 
It was awful.

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I wanted to carry on my normal life because 
I couldn’t believe it had happened.

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I still wanted to go out with my mates 
but then when it did sink in

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I just couldn't get back into the 
swing of things at all.

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All I could think about was Dad - what
he'd been through,

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there were so many questions we needed to ask, 
to understand what had happened.

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There were a few times when I got to 
see him again and say goodbye.

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Me, my mum and my older sister went up 
to see him at the mortuary in the hospital.

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We all walked in together 
because we decided to all do it.

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That was really nice to see him; obviously it's like, 
"Oh my god - dead person",

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but it's not, it was just my dad there asleep.

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I rubbed his head, because I always 
used to rub his head,

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he had quite a skinhead but 
the spikes used to feel funny.

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I used to cut his hair for him.

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I held his hand.

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My mum was devastated and wanted him to wake up.

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But we were all strong together 
and said, "We love you".

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We were all holding hands because 
we didn’t want to let each other go.

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In the two years there's been so many emotions 
and they've done the whole circle.

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At first there's obviously shock, and angry, 
so angry you just want to blame someone.

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Talking about it - I found it hard
when it first happened.

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You've got to let whatever comes out 
come out when you want it to.

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People's reactions were all different.

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Some people would automatically 
jump on you and give you a big hug,

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but sometimes you just wanted space, 
especially family, everyone kept coming round.

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The best times were the evenings when 
it would just be my mum and my sisters

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watching telly, 
trying to be normal together.

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The friends you did have that avoided it 
when it happened and didn’t say anything,

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now it's too awkward, 
it's too late to bring it up.

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Definitely sympathy-wise, towards people 
when they're crying about stupid things

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or they think they have a problem, I was like, 
you don’t know what problems are.

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As time goes on it doesn’t get easier, 
you just learn to deal with it better

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and people's comments, you just learn to 
know what to say back now.

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Even now after two years, I’m still grieving 
as much as I was back then.

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Definitely missing the father figure 
because we're all girls in our family.

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He was used to the girly-ness, 
having to wait to use the bathroom,

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just having that balanced the household out a bit.

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I think it's brought us closer together.

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We were close anyway, but now as 
sisters and mum, we're all like best friends.

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You chat about everything now 
because there's nothing to hide.

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Anyone that is grieving or 
been through a similar situation

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just needs to be close to their families or 
friends and find someone they can talk to.

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Know that it's okay to cry, 
it's okay to be happy as well

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because you do sometimes feel guilty, but you 
shouldn’t because you've got your own life to live,

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that person that left you wants you to be happy.