WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.500


00:00:00.500 --> 00:00:03.660
-It felt like someone was
strangling my heart when

00:00:03.660 --> 00:00:06.490
she was at the worst
of her drinking,

00:00:06.490 --> 00:00:09.150
and it was really,
really painful

00:00:09.150 --> 00:00:11.459
for me to watch her
destroy herself.

00:00:11.459 --> 00:00:16.670
[MUSIC PLAYING]

00:00:16.670 --> 00:00:19.260
-When I was growing
up, a typical day

00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:21.400
when my mum was
drinking would be-

00:00:21.400 --> 00:00:25.755
I would get up in the morning,
she would make lunch for us,

00:00:25.755 --> 00:00:30.020
take us to school-- all the kind
of normal things that moms do.

00:00:30.020 --> 00:00:33.880
But then in the evening, say
around 7 o'clock or 8 o'clock,

00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:36.320
she'd have a glass of wine.

00:00:36.320 --> 00:00:39.480
As I got older, I would
notice-- oh, here we go, again.

00:00:39.480 --> 00:00:40.550
She's had another glass.

00:00:40.550 --> 00:00:42.570
And she would just
instantly, like,

00:00:42.570 --> 00:00:46.280
change her behaviour and
would just change into kind

00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:49.000
of someone else really.

00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:50.020
Some of it was hidden.

00:00:50.020 --> 00:00:51.200
Some of it wasn't hidden.

00:00:51.200 --> 00:00:55.570
It could have been a bottle
of red wine or two bottles.

00:00:55.570 --> 00:01:00.300
When her drinking was really
bad, when I was about 20, 21,

00:01:00.300 --> 00:01:03.570
she was drinking spirits
during the day and driving,

00:01:03.570 --> 00:01:05.970
and it became a
lot more secretive.

00:01:05.970 --> 00:01:08.010
She did have blackouts.

00:01:08.010 --> 00:01:11.240
She would be sick
in the evenings.

00:01:11.240 --> 00:01:15.870
And there would be times,
maybe, where I would find her,

00:01:15.870 --> 00:01:19.710
like, passed out on the
floor, or she would have just

00:01:19.710 --> 00:01:21.052
gone to sleep outside.

00:01:21.052 --> 00:01:24.690
I would just try and
wake her up and then,

00:01:24.690 --> 00:01:28.030
like, help her up to bed, and
put her to bed, basically.

00:01:28.030 --> 00:01:31.460
It became really embarrassing
if I had anyone else around,

00:01:31.460 --> 00:01:35.330
if she would be acting really
weird or drunk or funny.

00:01:35.330 --> 00:01:38.705
So I just stopped having
friends around really.

00:01:38.705 --> 00:01:41.460
When I was younger, I
didn't really see a problem.

00:01:41.460 --> 00:01:44.670
But when I was older, I just
became really angry with her,

00:01:44.670 --> 00:01:47.597
because I just thought,
how can you do this to me.

00:01:47.597 --> 00:01:49.180
I would say to her,
can you please not

00:01:49.180 --> 00:01:51.820
drink so much tonight,
or can you please not

00:01:51.820 --> 00:01:53.010
embarrass us tonight.

00:01:53.010 --> 00:01:56.340
And she would say-- she would
probably promise she wouldn't.

00:01:56.340 --> 00:01:57.580
But then she would.

00:01:57.580 --> 00:02:00.280
So then I would feel like
really betrayed that she'd

00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:01.550
broken a promise to me.

00:02:01.550 --> 00:02:04.460
I would have been 11
years old, 12 years old,

00:02:04.460 --> 00:02:06.240
and she would have
been turning to me

00:02:06.240 --> 00:02:10.100
for advice about
her and my step-dad,

00:02:10.100 --> 00:02:11.852
her arguments with him.

00:02:11.852 --> 00:02:13.560
She would have kind
of been saying to me,

00:02:13.560 --> 00:02:14.710
should I get divorced?

00:02:14.710 --> 00:02:17.480
Because I had learned
to trust my mum,

00:02:17.480 --> 00:02:19.960
and then she had broken
my trust continually,

00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:22.850
I then became really
distrusting of others.

00:02:22.850 --> 00:02:26.580
So I had a kind of big wall when
I was mixing with other people,

00:02:26.580 --> 00:02:28.830
whereas other people were
a lot more kind of friendly

00:02:28.830 --> 00:02:30.090
towards each other.

00:02:30.090 --> 00:02:33.370
I think the most difficult
thing, when I was emotionally

00:02:33.370 --> 00:02:35.720
caring for my mum,
as an alcoholic,

00:02:35.720 --> 00:02:40.000
was feeling completely and
utterly alone in all of it.

00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:42.880
I remember feeling like
no one understood me.

00:02:42.880 --> 00:02:45.240
No one knew what I
was going through.

00:02:45.240 --> 00:02:48.750
And I didn't know how
to reach out to anyone.

00:02:48.750 --> 00:02:52.340
I just felt completely
and utterly isolated.

00:02:52.340 --> 00:02:56.230
I felt like I had tried
everything I could possibly

00:02:56.230 --> 00:02:59.170
do to try and make her
stop drinking and be happy,

00:02:59.170 --> 00:03:00.330
and nothing had worked.

00:03:00.330 --> 00:03:03.390
So I felt, like,
completely out of control

00:03:03.390 --> 00:03:04.930
with my mum's happiness.

00:03:04.930 --> 00:03:07.650
It just was killing
me slowly inside

00:03:07.650 --> 00:03:11.125
to watch her drink herself
to death, basically.

00:03:11.125 --> 00:03:14.400


00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:18.820
My experiences growing up around
alcohol has put me off alcohol.

00:03:18.820 --> 00:03:21.480
I've never really
been a drinker,

00:03:21.480 --> 00:03:24.410
because it reminds me too
much of how my mum would have

00:03:24.410 --> 00:03:26.300
been acting when she was drunk.

00:03:26.300 --> 00:03:30.920


00:03:30.920 --> 00:03:34.410
The whole nature of
alcoholism and alcohol

00:03:34.410 --> 00:03:36.120
is that you've got
to keep it a secret

00:03:36.120 --> 00:03:40.300
and keep it behind closed doors
and sweep it under the carpet.

00:03:40.300 --> 00:03:42.910
Young people are
frightened that they're

00:03:42.910 --> 00:03:46.040
going to be disloyal or
betraying their parents if they

00:03:46.040 --> 00:03:47.010
tell other people.

00:03:47.010 --> 00:03:50.140
They feel like they're
speaking badly about them,

00:03:50.140 --> 00:03:51.510
when they love them.

00:03:51.510 --> 00:03:54.510
They don't want other people to
think badly of their parents.

00:03:54.510 --> 00:03:59.390
And I think that there's a
real stigma about alcoholism.

00:03:59.390 --> 00:04:01.460
So people don't want to
let their friends know

00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:04.030
or other people know
their parent has

00:04:04.030 --> 00:04:06.680
got a problem with
it, so they end up

00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:09.740
dealing with it all themselves
and getting no support.

00:04:09.740 --> 00:04:11.290
[MUSIC PLAYING]

00:04:11.290 --> 00:04:27.200