WEBVTT 00:00:00.289 --> 00:00:01.570 I'm just like anyone else. 00:00:01.585 --> 00:00:04.720 I am scared of death... 00:00:04.861 --> 00:00:11.262 ... but I'm more scared of living much longer in the way that I am. 00:00:11.607 --> 00:00:17.157 We're fighting to allow terminally ill people who are mentally competent 00:00:17.515 --> 00:00:19.872 to have an assisted suicide. 00:00:21.337 --> 00:00:27.659 At birth I was immediately diagnosed with a spinal condition 00:00:27.666 --> 00:00:29.920 called Klippel-Feil Syndrome, 00:00:29.948 --> 00:00:34.667 which basically means that I've got fused vertebrae in my spine, 00:00:34.694 --> 00:00:37.402 which means that I have a shorter neck than normal. 00:00:37.668 --> 00:00:43.961 The other illness that I've got is called Eisenmenger Syndrome, 00:00:44.017 --> 00:00:47.719 which is basically a hole in the heart. 00:00:48.621 --> 00:00:51.068 I've had a good life. 00:00:51.698 --> 00:00:55.020 I would never say that I've not had a good life, 00:00:55.089 --> 00:00:57.763 but I have also had a hard life. 00:00:57.891 --> 00:01:00.446 The illness has progressed slowly. 00:01:00.500 --> 00:01:06.763 I normally have a deterioration slot around every winter in particular, 00:01:06.784 --> 00:01:14.267 but over the last couple of years I've seen marked deterioration. 00:01:14.427 --> 00:01:20.701 There's been things that I couldn't do that I could do a week ago, a week before. 00:01:22.599 --> 00:01:26.807 I am in... a great deal of pain. 00:01:26.983 --> 00:01:31.631 I take loads and loads of morphine. 00:01:31.764 --> 00:01:37.840 My dosage of morphine has lately doubled. 00:01:37.867 --> 00:01:40.094 So far I've had two strokes. 00:01:40.789 --> 00:01:46.445 I have had about six or seven mini strokes. 00:01:46.573 --> 00:01:51.330 My lungs won't take in enough oxygen to get around my body. 00:01:51.785 --> 00:01:55.557 It's leading to multiple organ failure. 00:01:56.431 --> 00:01:59.445 Basically, at the moment, I've got the bowel failure, 00:01:59.724 --> 00:02:04.597 I've got heart failure, respiratory failure and circulatory failure. 00:02:07.022 --> 00:02:09.261 I think it's very difficult for my parents, 00:02:10.126 --> 00:02:13.747 you know, to have an ill daughter. 00:02:13.888 --> 00:02:15.389 They don't want to acknowledge it, 00:02:15.413 --> 00:02:19.050 because in acknowledging my condition, 00:02:19.057 --> 00:02:22.779 they're also acknowledging the fact I'm going to die, 00:02:23.052 --> 00:02:24.889 probably in their lifetime. 00:02:25.900 --> 00:02:31.114 I'm studying my Honours Degree in Psychology. 00:02:31.434 --> 00:02:37.239 It takes my mind off of everything that's going wrong. 00:02:37.249 --> 00:02:41.024 Obviously only for an hour or so, I can't concentrate very much. 00:02:41.157 --> 00:02:44.367 There's this tiny little bit of me that says, 00:02:44.539 --> 00:02:49.845 okay, when I pass this course I want to go on 00:02:49.902 --> 00:02:52.756 and I want to polish this off with a PhD. 00:02:53.320 --> 00:02:57.943 Now it's very, very unlikely that I will live that long, 00:02:58.510 --> 00:03:01.476 but there's a part of me also that's thinking, 00:03:01.508 --> 00:03:05.524 do I really want to live three more years? 00:03:05.743 --> 00:03:08.149 The answer to that question is, 'No.' 00:03:09.698 --> 00:03:13.845 I've never really worked because I've been too ill. 00:03:14.302 --> 00:03:15.610 It's just a shame. 00:03:16.704 --> 00:03:22.256 There's nothing that I can do with the degree that I'll get. 00:03:22.441 --> 00:03:27.509 I'm just collecting certificate on top of certificate on top of certificate. 00:03:30.542 --> 00:03:35.009 A few years ago I took a huge overdose of paracetamol. 00:03:35.499 --> 00:03:39.175 Some people think that suicide is a call for help, 00:03:39.989 --> 00:03:47.482 but, in all honesty, I took that paracetamol overdose to kill myself. 00:03:47.891 --> 00:03:49.263 No other reason. 00:03:49.853 --> 00:03:51.768 Unfortunately, it didn't work. 00:03:52.330 --> 00:03:55.878 A couple of years later, in I think 2004, 00:03:55.932 --> 00:03:58.384 I attempted to starve myself to death, 00:03:59.429 --> 00:04:02.806 but after 19 days the pain was so bad, 00:04:03.043 --> 00:04:05.829 that I had to stop what I was doing. 00:04:06.466 --> 00:04:08.285 I was in so much pain. 00:04:09.017 --> 00:04:11.803 It was such a dilemma and that's why 00:04:11.825 --> 00:04:16.423 we need assisted suicide to become legal in England. 00:04:16.446 --> 00:04:18.723 We need it to become legal 00:04:18.732 --> 00:04:23.727 so that it can be safely monitored and regulated. 00:04:24.030 --> 00:04:28.634 At the moment, it's religious organisations who are saying, 00:04:28.665 --> 00:04:35.573 'Actually, no, we can't have this because it goes against human sanctity.' 00:04:35.639 --> 00:04:40.192 They believe that life should be protected 00:04:40.241 --> 00:04:43.579 regardless of the consequences. 00:04:43.837 --> 00:04:49.488 I don't want to take a huge overdose of paracetamol 00:04:49.657 --> 00:04:52.430 and die choking on my own vomit. 00:04:52.698 --> 00:04:57.749 I don't want to cut my wrists and die in a pool of blood. 00:04:58.059 --> 00:05:01.737 I don't want to hang myself. 00:05:03.164 --> 00:05:07.669 I want medical help to die, 00:05:07.913 --> 00:05:13.596 so I can take one little tablet that will put an end to my life, 00:05:13.999 --> 00:05:16.902 so that I don't have any pain... 00:05:17.380 --> 00:05:21.526 ...it will take probably 30 minutes 00:05:21.999 --> 00:05:24.663 rather than 14 days. 00:05:25.950 --> 00:05:31.924 There are people who believe that committing suicide is a selfish act. 00:05:32.350 --> 00:05:35.226 In a way I think it is. 00:05:35.567 --> 00:05:41.569 It's pretty selfish to want to leave your family behind. 00:05:42.218 --> 00:05:44.916 It's pretty selfish... 00:05:45.799 --> 00:05:50.846 but people have to cope with their lives. 00:05:50.888 --> 00:05:58.119 There are people in this world who are suffering so badly. 00:05:58.639 --> 00:06:04.051 They are suffering needlessly and they just want their pain to end.